if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...