he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake