Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
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I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
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Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED