your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
