I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
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I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?