I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
We need to rekindle our bromance
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.