This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
