not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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