I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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