My friends, they love my intelligence
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
