I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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