Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
