I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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