Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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