You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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