I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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