I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
