omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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