tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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