I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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