Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He felt like a one man threesome
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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