How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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