doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
