singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
