I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
