I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
