whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
