Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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