Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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