soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
