Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
