My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
