SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
