Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Randomize
