dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
