you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
