i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
wow bdsm is so cute
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
