I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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