i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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