You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
