drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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