the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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