Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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