Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
