Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
