I like to think it a success when the cops are called
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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