my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
