found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
