he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
