Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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