Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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