Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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