You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize