I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Operation Purity has been aborted
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Randomize
