did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
