so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
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