when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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