like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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