dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
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