i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I don't deserve a penis
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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