What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I have feelings that need drinking.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
