$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
