You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
