Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
that's an acceptable place to lick
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
