I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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