My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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