There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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