i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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