I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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