the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize