How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
