I smell stomach acid.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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