hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
