Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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