He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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