On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
lol hangovers are for mortals.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
