theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize