Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
